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I held it in my hands after it fell out of me like a soft egg in a rush of blood and I saw the spine.*Missed Miscarriage. Or at least, a colourless, odorless liquid that looked like water. *I didn't sleep at all that night because of the pain. This cottage is known for its sunsets, and I only get to witness them once a year. "I'll be right back," I called as I hurried back towards the empty cottage." "You OK? I could hear their voices laughing down at the dock, but otherwise it was completely silent. Suddenly I felt something big and squishy fall out. I said out loud, "That was it." I didn't even know it was my own voice at first. But I couldn't think of anything except, "That was my baby and I just flushed it down the toilet and I didn't even save it or show my husband and I killed it, just now. Misoprostol is four pills that you have to insert yourself into your vagina and then wait to bleed some more. If you could take a look at your baby this week, you'd be able to see the clear outline of his spine."Later that evening I did see the spine. When I sat down on the toilet, I was relieved to see it was just water. "No, that means there's a 70 to 80 per cent chance it WON'T happen! I knew friends of friends who'd had miscarriages, but it wouldn't happen to me. I was so overcome with grief I actually fell to my knees on the bathroom floor, like people do in the movies. It was the best thing.*"I think I can stand, and I want to see the sunset," I announced a few hours into the contractions. I screamed through one really bad contraction, then laughed again. Then I felt a huge surge of blood come gushing out of me. I had left the bathroom door open since no one else was in the cottage. *After it came out, I felt an immediate sense of physical relief and emotional despair. I could stand, walk, wash my hands, do up my jeans.
Today you are 10 weeks pregnant, and your embryo has graduated to a fetus! You can sit up." The doctor at the ultrasound office. As you can see, there is no heartbeat." All I saw was a slumped figure lying motionless in a heap at the bottom of the screen. We all went on a boat ride and I wore a black bikini bottom for the boat and I jumped in the lake every time I felt the blood coming so no one would see. I would get a break for a few minutes and then it would come back, really strong and really sharp. I called for my husband and I sat in the recliner in the sun room and I gritted my teeth and closed my eyes and said, "Something's happening..." and he got my friend, the doctor.
It was a short but cheerful message that said "Congratulations! "It should be measuring longer than this at 10 weeks, so we think it stopped growing around eight weeks. Two weeks ago I looked at this exact same screen, with this exact same image, but the baby was floating in the middle. I bled quite a bit that day, sort of like a slightly heavier period. It was mostly the same type of pain I'd been having all day on the boat, but I started noticing that it was coming in waves.
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